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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Space buddies

This has got the be the worst talking animal movie I've ever seen.

Space Buddies was a horror. Not a horror movie, just... Ugh. It's like if three years after the semi-realistic "Air Bud: Spikes Back", the creators probably stopped caring about what the franchise is all about and decided to put in talking Golden Retriever puppies, lame fart jokes and less sports. Disney's just becoming lamer and lamer (not to mention greedier and greedier) and more targeted to dumb girls, who care more about looks and voices, than boys (especially with the crappy pop music). I've seen the first two Buddies films, and they were bad, but realistic compared to this.

Buddha is the leader of the Buddies though he doesn't seem Chinese or Hindu at all. You don't even get any proof of his religion. If he were Chinese or Hindu, he'd seem like a fat, Chinese puppy or just a dog that failed at an audition for Roadside Romeo. Rosebud is the girl, B-Dawg is a hip-hop black stereotype (just like his owner), Mudbud is a puppy version of Pigpen from the Peanuts franchise and Budderball is always dressed as a football player, hungry and gassy when his paw gets pulled. C'mon, I've seen much funnier fart jokes! It's just getting old.

OK, on with the plot. Buddha's owner is interested in what the moon is like. Much later, the Buddies sneak into a school bus on a trip to space station Vision 1, where they get to see all the cool things about space. They wear some goofy-looking blue and black outfits, travel onto the space ship (the whole station looks like an airport, but then again the ship acts kinda like an airplane and the whole setting was filmed at an airport in Vancouver, Canada) and set off for a wild adventure through space while their owners find that their puppies are missing. Hey, it was possible with Laika but not with annoying puppies! I mean, weren't these puppies supposed to play sports? It's just another way of Disney asking for money. Walt is probably spinning in his grave.

While in space, the buddies meet up with a Russian dog named Spudnick who wants to see his young owner Sasha but is stuck with Sasha's immature stereotype father named Yuri. Later, they have a walk around on the moon to see what it's like. But will they survive the journey home with the help of a talking ferret at Vision 1 named Gravity? There is hope that they won't!

First of all, the idea is just freaking stupid. It's just like Snow Buddies with elements of Space Chimps, Fly Me to the Moon, Beverly Hills Chihuahua and Good Boy. Second of all, the quotes are just cheesy ("We're lost in space, dog!"), the puppies talk too much, they sometimes speak campy pop culture references ("It's just like a ride on Space Mountain!" "It's the Death Star!") and their computer-generated mouths are the only thing that makes them express themselves, but it doesn't really help. You wouldn't really be able to tell if they're frightened, angry, sad, shocked or happy. It just takes the cuteness away from them, aside from the farts. Films like Beverly Hills Chihuahua had more creativity and emotion! The chihuahuas in that film could actually feel happy, scared, sad, angry or all that stuff. They could even act startled or something like that to show their expression, which Space Buddies doesn't do. For example, when B-Dawg thinks Spudnick is an alien at first, the only way we know he's scared is his dialogue. He doesn't move and his face isn't computer-manipulated enough.

My final word - DO NOT RENT OR BUY SPACE BUDDIES. You just might fulfil Disney's corporate greed and let them make more crappy stuff. Do not even see it online. It's for your own good. Enjoy much better sci-fi or dog movies, such as Star Wars, some of the Star Trek films or 2001: A Space Odyssey or 101 Dalmatians, The Fox and the Hound or Lady and the Tramp. And what the hell is up with the tagline? "One Small Step For Dog. One Giant Leap For Dogkind." See? It's not just the idea itself that makes Space Buddies unwatchable! Usually, I enjoy movies that are stupid when they're meant to be, but this was meant to be funny. It's just not right. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go and watch WALL-E to calm myself down.

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Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

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